I've finally had the chance to properly talk to a counselor and it has helped so much. I had so much happening in my mind that I was breaking down repeatedly and even attempted to end my life. I had been so worried about where I see myself in a few years I forgot to focus on the now. After finding out the other half is permanently moving to Australia without me I didn't know what to do, I really needed a reminder of who loves me and who's there for me. Hopefully someday in the future I will actually have a family and find someone who wants that with me; but if not then it wasn't meant to be.
I've finally been able to start grading the crayfish at work and by the feedback, I am doing quite well. I may even start running my own day and have a proper scheduled day off. The future has started to look a bit brighter and I'm actually excited about life again.
I can't wait to see my family over Christmas and New Year it's going to be great.
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Thanks for reading :)