Writing Challenge - The Sound of Silence

Being silent in my case is a very dangerous thing to do. 99% of the time when I am silent my mind is the loudest it can get. 

Nothing positive is going through my mind. 

It is a constant battle not to cut my arm and not to listen to the voices in my head convincing me it’s worth the cut. That no one will notice, that no one cares. 

Complete silence once almost killed me.

I purposely hid myself away,  and let the voices and emotions take over.

I had the knife at the ready to end it all.

But I had forgotten to turn my phone off, it had lit up and caught my attention. 

Luckily it was my step dad asking if I was okay. Thinking it was my sister using my step dads phone (as he used emojis) I said the truth about how sad I was. 

They told me to come here straight away. 

If I had turned my phone off what would have stopped me? Was God watching and decided that wasn’t my time no matter what? If that was the case I wonder what would have happened?

I can’t even sit in silence for long without thinking about moments in my past that either make me want to cut or anger me. It’s like I just automatically think about the negative everytime it’s too quiet. 

Even listening to music doesn’t always do it unfortunately.

I miss the days when sitting in silence was happy imagination of my stories I had thought of.

I guess maybe that’s the real reason I decided to start writing again, it’s a healthy escape from the bad and dark thoughts that convince me it’s worth killing myself. 

Thank goodness I wrote down all my story ideas in a book cause if I hadn’t I would have forgotten them all by now. 

I have particular favourites of course, my favourite and original one I’m writing I’m hoping to turn into other a trilogy and maybe a tv show but we will see.

Would be a great distraction from all my suicidal thoughts though, if only my mum and step dad supported this dream of mine.