Sould I Leave?

"Look at sensible Emma"
they say to my closed door
as I sit here with my
arms stinging from fresh cuts.

If only they knew the truth

of the agony I hold in my mind

the anger and the hurt.

Nails into the top

knife into the bottom

six months clean I was

my mind got the better of me.

I hate feeling like this

I hate being like this

the stinging is making me ill

yet I tell no one.

No one notices

or even bothers to ask

I didn't realise how good I was

at hiding all my pain

unless no one cares enough

I know I am loved

I know I am wanted

but all I can think about

Is how I feel like I am not family

I feel like I don't belong here.

I literally imagined myself

dying today and wondered

how long people would notice I'm gone

they would be annoyed

that nothing has been done

then feel guilty later.

Can I destroy my family

and friends like that though?

I don't think I could do it

I'd go right into shock.

How many people

would call me selfish?

How many would not understand?

That life simply wasn't good enough

to keep this Magpie breathing.

I just feel so alone.

15/02/2018