The Life and Poems of a Lost Magpie: February 2021

Day One - Wednesday 3rd February 2021 We travelled by ferry from the Piction ferry terminal to Anakiwa. Our first activities were to organise two Speakers and two songs for the Mihi Whakatau. After the Mihi Whakatau the floor was opened and we had a few speakers, we were then encouraged to go around to the main courtyard of Anakiwa and have water and food. When we were all done everyone including all the Instructors and Support Workers stood in a circle and our names were called as we were put into groups, all the other groups either ran or jogged to areas to do a introductory cluster, our group was called out last. I was part of the Activate group Sheppard Watch 674, all of my watch mates are disabled in one way or the other. We all had a meeting as a Watch where we spoke about our vulnerbilities with eachother and spoke about our struggles in life; there were a lot of tears and relatable stories. We went to bed at 9.30pmish.

Day Two - Thursday 4th February 2021 Today we got up at 5am to get ready to PT (warm up exercise and run). I managed to run some of the way but annoyingly forgot my drink bottle and got a very dry throat, I made it up to the second wharf over the hill. After breakfast we went and watched a video about vulnerbility and had to all say out loud "I am Enough". We learnt to do two different knots with the rope. After knots we as a Watch went and had lunch together and had a trust rope exercise where we had to work as a team to get everyone to go under/over/through a rope tied between two flag poles. At first we all tried to do it individually at the same time then actually started working together as a team. When we had completed the rope task we had a activity where we had to build a raft together and paddle the raft to another beach then take it back. We all worked very well together using the new knots we had just learnt. All of us managed to climb onto the raft and paddle it to the other beach although one of the barrels we used kept rolling so one of us fell off twice. We decided to push and pull the raft back on the water with a couple of group members on the raft. We had to pull it apart and put all the equipment away but we were so proud to make a raft that didn't fall apart and mainly kept us dry. Day Three - Friday 5th February 2021 Today I walked the exercise route in the morning and got further than yesterday, I walked with one of my watch mates. Today we paddled out on a waka out in the Sounds. The view was amazing. My arms are now sore but it was so worth it. My legs have been sore all day due to doing 30 squats this morning but it's worth it all. We ended up having lunch at Mistletoe Bay and I was in charge of boiling the water so we could have hot chocolate and coffee. It was defianatly a fun time for everyone. The waka was cool, I didn't expect us to paddle out as far as we did. I was surprised at how fast we managed to go as well. I most likely got sunburnt even though I put sunblock on. We're on kitchen duty tonight which will be interesting, it gets loud and I'm not sure how well I'd do. I didn't sleep much at all last night. it didn't matter if I was on my side, back or stomach, every movement hurt. Day Four - Saturday 6th February 2021 Today we did high ropes, it was great that we all get along so well. We all helped each other out. We've had the filming crew from Attitude TV on TV One. I was surprised I was able to do them. We had to climb up a wobbly ladder then walk across a wire. After the wire we had to walk across a wooden beam, the wooden beam was when my leg started to shake but the group was awesome and helped me a lot. I almost cried if it wasn't for them. One rule at Outward Bound that helped a lot is to never give up but to only give in and try again, I love that they never let you quit. The best part of the high ropes was the zip line at the end of it. We all had to jump off the jetty afterwards, it was great. We watched a video after breakfast about our Reticular Activating System. It's part of the brain at the back that focuses on what we want to focus on (new sneakers, starts seeing sneakers everywhere - feeling sad about something and brain will focus on making you sad).

Day Five - Sunday 7th February 2021 We're off to sea! We found out last night that we're going onto a sail boat for three days then when we get back we're going home. We're not sure if during the three days we will be doing a Solo. I'm kinda nervous and excited about it. There was a little bit of a panic when at first we thought they meant we were packing everything and not coming back. It's two nights and three days, I can't wait to hear the sound of water against a boat again. Being on the boat was amazing, I learn't how to 'teal' the Jib sail. We were on the boat for over three hours and constantly went in circles on our way to Te Kainga where we will do our solo's. All of us had a amazing time on the boat and learnm't something new. By the time we get back I'll be able to sail my own small sail boat. Horey one of the instructors told me today I make a great leader I just need to have a louder voice. On our Solo's tomorrow we have to write letters to ourselves and to our Sponsers. Our letters to ourselves will be sent to us in six months time. I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm going to send my Sponser letter to Caroline back in Wellington as a thank you for encouraging and pushing me to come here and being there every step of the way. Day Six - Monday 8th February 2021 I woke up very early this morning and decided to look up at the sky, I'm so glad I did, the stars were amazing! I just wish I had a proper camera that was able to capture the complete beauty of the stars above. I woke up at the crack of dawn to the sound of song birds and to a amazing view of the sunrise; I managed to get a picture of the sunrise before my GoPro battery started to die. I ended up getting the highest point with a view of the ocean and I'm so glad I ended up spending the day here. It wasn't an entirely comfortable sleep as my shoulders are sore and my arms from sleeping on the ground. I'm glad no critters or other animals can to annoy me apart from mosquitos. I know there's wetas here but I haven't seen one yet. I just met my visitor from the night an oval brown bird that's not a kiwi said hi to me just now and explored my whole campsite. I unfortunately don't know what type of bird it is but it's super curious. I've completed all the tasks so all I have to do now is relax and enjoy the nature. It's so peaceful out here, the sound of the wind in the trees, the ocean, the crickets and cicadas and the songbirds. It's awesome that Outward Bound does this for us, rarely ever do you get the chance to be out in the bush with nothing but your thoughts. Next time I'll be camping like this I will have my other half with me and it will be amazing. Don't know if I'll be waking at dawn or waking later but knowing him it will be later. After tonight we're sailing back towards Anakiwa and spending our last night there before going home, I can't wait to hear my other half's voice again; I've missed it so much. I have so much to tell him and will want to see his face, I swear the more I'm away from him the more I love him. This was meant to be a strictly Outward Bound Journal and here I am towards the end talking about the love of my life cause he's all I can think about. I had a bit of a cry earlier, there's so much I wish I could tell Nana, she'd tell me how proud she is of me. I'm so surprised at how much I've achieved while here, I've needed this for years and wish I had came sooner but I am so glad I came when I did. I took a photo of the view during the day and can't wait to show Dad it, I think he would do great coming here. He would especually love doing solo here in the bush and can't wait to tell him and everyone all about it. I'm planning on buying both a t-shirt and a hoodie from Outward Bound to wear to the cards club to tell them all about it. It will be interesting to see if I start automatically waking up at dawn from now on, I know I will want a nice long sleep in but won't get one. I have a feeling Taylor may have released the live accoustic versions of Evermore or added more chapters to the Folkmore Story. I miss hearing music while here by the cliff with the view of the ocean and sounds surrounding us all I can hear in my head is "take me to the Lakes where the poets went to die, I don't belong and my beloved neither do you". From where I am I can hear and see when they're using the boats down at the wharf, it's quite peaceful to listen to. They purposely took our watches so that we didn't know what the time is while on our solo, I kinda have a idea on what time it might be judging on the position of the sun, I know now it's either late or early afternoon, judging on the fact that it's slowly starting to get cold I'm guessing it's around 4 - 5pm or maybe 5.30pm. I had everything done by around 10am I think. I ate my carrot for breakfast, an orange and apple for lunch and will have a apple for dinner. At least tomorrow morning there's breakfast. It's best to get ready for bed nowish before it get's dark then I won't be needing the torches unless I need to go toilet. I kinda feel bad that I told Horey that I needed a journal when I already had one but I wanted to keep my letters to myself and to my sponser seperate from my typical diary journal. The wind is defiantly starting to get cold even though the sun is out. I can't decide if I want to go home or if I want to stay, in reality I think I want my home to come here. I'm not the only one in the group who has pretty much fallen in love with this place. The only thing I definately won't miss from doing the solo is peeing and pooing in a bucket, the moment you do your first pee flies appear. Emptying those buckets is not going to be a fun job but at least I can't smell. The sleeping bags are very warm, I've been sleeping in thermals and haven't gotten cold so far. Can't believe we all go home soon, I swear I just arrived not long ago, time has just flown, hopefully time has flown for Sam too. Only downside of only having a applefor dinner is apples give me a upset stomach and now I have a upset stomach especually after eating two today. I'm basically ready for bed but it's too early to go to bed. I may have to rearrange how I'm sleeping cause I keep slipping a little down the slope. They said we may be visited by possums but I defiantley haven't seen one yet, that might change tonight though. I can't stop thinking about Sam, I miss him so much. The best thing about sleeping amongst the trees is I'm breathing so well, I keep nearly falling asleep but if I sleep now I'll get too hot and if I take off layers I'll wake up cold. As our gift from the watch we all decided to weave/breaid flax then combine them all. Everything I learnt here about mental health is going to help me reach 1 year and 6 months clean , I hope that's how I am when I read my letter, it's not just a promise to Sam but a promise to myself. Remembering the 'Compare out - Compare in' strategy will help and the RAS, I'm coming back a new person, a better person and hopefully I remain as that person. The sun is defiantly very slowly going down, there is no sun on my patch anymore and the wind is getting very cold. I think it's around the time yesterday we were having dinner and finding out about our solos. I wonder who will visit me tonight, hopefully not a weta, I wouldn't mind seeing that bird again. It is defiantly very cold now. I'm tempted to just hop in the sleeping bag for warmth. I should've brought my trackpants they would've been a lot warmer to wear right now. If the wind wasn't cold I would be very warm right now. Think I might just hop in the sleeping bag and see what time I wake up tomorrow, it will most defiantly be when the birds begin to sing but we'll see. I'm so glad I can't smell I swear I almost did when I tasted the air after opening the poo bucket.

Day Seven - Tuesday 9th February 2021 I got up and left the campsite before I was meant to, we were meant to wait to be fetched and I ended up helping Colin and Dave walk down the hill. At the bottom of the hill I found out that one of my watch mates Cam had blown his whistle at 4pm in the afternoon yesterday and I who was with the first aide kit was fast asleep and didn't hear the emergency whistle, Cam will not let me live it down. We had to walk all the way back up the hill to collect a bucket as a penalty for leaving the campsite too early. For breakfast we had burgers and baked beans on meat patties. On the way back to Anakiwa I taught Dave how to do the Jib sail and got a chance to be Captain and now know how to sail. When we got back we had to put all the equipment in the boat away and wash the boat down. For awhile I couldn't find where my day pack went and found it hours later in one of the containers we still had to emopty, everything in it was wet but that's okay. As a just got back from sailing away tradition we all had to jump off the jetty, because one of us wanted to jump off one of the pillars we all had to do it. Day Eight - Wednesday 10th February 2021 Today we got up for the last time at 5am to do PT and for the first time in the whole time we've been here we were early. Because we had pack up today we got to do a quick workout and did the run early. Today I actually completed the whole run, my lungs were on fire and I couldn't breathe properly but I'm so glad I actually completed it. The run/walk into the water was actually warm today to my surprise. After breakfast we were also first to assembly, after assembly we got a chance to buy stuff at the shop and I got a black hoodie, a green hoodie, a t-shirt, a drink bottle and two photos. We had a ceremony afterwards where we spoke about our group, our favourite memories, our achievements and presented ourselves with certificates. We were handed out badges and had to say why we deserved the badge, it was very emotional. We all got ready to have lunch then found out we had to go. We ended up having lunch on the boat and got everyones numbers and contact details. We had to all help each other off the boat then we all went home in seperate ways. Anywho this is the last entry of my amazing experience at Anakiwa where I got to meet seven new friends. Thank you Anakiwa/Outward Bound for helping me find myself.

The Life and Poems of a Lost Magpie

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Outward Bound - Anakiwa 8 day Activate Course

Monday, February 1, 2021

Outward Bound