Writing Challenge - Friendship

Friendship is a  big thing for me, I apparently hand the other have a lot of friends although I only have  a few close friends.
I have three best friends; one I've known for around thirteen years , one I've known for around four and a half years and the other for five years.
All three of them are like my siblings, two of us are like sisters and one is a bit more than a brother. What I love about my best friends is each one of them I have a unique friendship with.
The one I've known for thirteen years is more like my sister than any other, she knows so  much about me. Our friendship is interesting, we have a lot of common interests and have common difficulties in different aspects in our lives.
We also have that type of friendship where if/when we get into a fight or argument we often get along again like nothing happened either a few days, weeks or months later depending on the argument.
We even in a way wrote a book together, she's the only one I can talk to about the book too which is great because sometimes talking the ideas out and coming up with new things is quite fun. Often we are in fits of laughter because we're saying jokes and half making fun of the book characters.
My best friend I've known for known for four and a half years is different yet again.
We get I like a house on fire and pretty much never argue. We even went on a holiday together for 10 days and had a absolute  blast.
She's one of those friends who you can complain about things in your life that annoy you and she does the same with me.
We're also often laughing as I'm often making her laugh with my puns and dry jokes.
My third best friend who happens to be a guy I've been friends with for five years. He is my only long distance best friend who I can be my full self with.
The reason I say he is more than a brother and best friend is because of course we fell in love.
We were in a relationship for over a year, I literally pictured my whole life with him, children, marriage and even old age. With my Borderline Personality Disorder I sometimes have outbursts and hurt people when I don' t mean to. This guy I usually take it all out on, I of course don't mean to but he takes it and keeps coming back to me even when I say "I hate you" because he knows I don't mean it.
We use to argue everyday especially after we broke up and towards the end of the relationship, luckily we were able to remain best friends.
I don't what I would do without any of them in my life.

Writing Challenge - Animals

I thought I’d spend the animals writing challenge talking about my pets. I have just over ten pets at home; a dog called Millie, a cat called Jasper, two guinea pigs called Coco and Star, a Australian bearded dragon called Diablo, four chickens called Amethyst, Crystal, Ruby and Pingpong; we also have lots of fish. Millie our dog is a Shih Zhu+poodle/Maltese+Sydney silkie who is only a year old, she’s adorable and naughty and follows me around everywhere. Jasper is part Persian and is basically a big ball of fluff. He is also quite lazy sometimes as he will request the door to be opened for him although there’s a cat flap for both him and Millie; Jasper also gives the best hugs.
We use to have five guinea pigs called Coco, Star, Ash, Blackie and Shadow.
Now we only have Coco and Star our two girls left as the other three died of old age. Guinea pigs are great, we love putting them in a small tub of water that's just deep enough for them to swim in during the summer as it gets quite hot for them.
Our Australian Bearded Dragon we got from a friend, he's really cool and can surprisingly run really fast. We use to have six chickens but now we have four, they use to get out and raid our vegetable garden as well as the neighbours gardens. One of them lays green eggs which is cool.
We also have quite a lot of fish, we've converted a bath into a fish pond which is full of gold fish, I also have around thirteen Guppies in my tropical fish tank.

Writing challenge - Dream Catcher

I was flying through a long hallway full of doors. It’s dark, I recognise my old house. 

There use to be a short hallway that lead from the front door to the kitchen, on the way through the hallway you pass the first bedroom and the lounge. 

This dream seemed to forget that ...

It was just a long dark hallway full of doors, behind each door was a nightmare. This was before I had watched the Dr Who episode where Amy, Rory and the Dr are in some prison ship where their door is their worse fear. 

Another nightmare I’ve had which was located at my old house was I had lost a battle similar to the stick battle in Whale Rider and I got taken away through a jungle that appeared outside my back door. 

I remember when I was a teenager after going to Los Angeles and Gold Coast with my grandparents I had multiple dreams that all took place in this type of park that was like a combination of all the theme parks I went to in Australia and America. 

You’d think since I had happy memories in both of these places at the time that I would have happy dreams of them, but I was wrong.

A log flume roller coaster ride broke down while being chased by lions and crocodiles. I fell to my death in another dream on a different coaster, that coaster was quite cool in a happier dream though; it was so tall you could see th whole park. 

I remember there being a type of mirror maze type of room similar to the mirror maze at MOTAT here in Auckland. I remember going there as a kid and feeling this type of fear when I was there thanks to the fact that I’m scared of corners and mirrors because you don’t know what’s around the corner and people could just appear behind you in mirrors which of course happened in my nightmares.

I remember another dream I had which was located at a camp ground which seemed to be in the waitakere ranges somewhere here in Auckland. It had high ropes and cabins and was always quite dark even during the day in the dreams. The camp was of course haunted. 

I remember the nightmare that made me afraid of heights. 

I use to fly in my dreams, that was and still is a ambition of mine. 

There were tornadoes everywhere, I leapt off a tall building to get to somewhere where everyone was gathered but instead of flying I fell. I remember waking up shaking thinking I had just died. 

I use to be completely fearless when it came to heights, I use to climb trees and go as far up as I could on things just for the amazing view at the top. But ever since that dream I’ve been terrified, I start to shake and sometimes someone has to climb up to help me climb down. 

I remember one dream that really scared me, it sent chills down to my spine. A friend of mine was sitting in a row boat on a lake with my grandmother who passed away in 2006. The dream started off full of laughter and then my friend said the person she was with was my grandmother (for some reason in my dream till that point I didn’t recognise her). I muttered “but she’s dead” and my grandmother turned to face me and had a skull like face with black eye sockets where her eyes were meant to be and I was so scared it jolted me awake. 

There was one other time when I was completely terrified in a dream. Something was after me and I managed to escape the dream by forming a different dream but what scared me the most was that while in the new dream the creature that was after me in the first dream pulled me back to into the nightmare then killed me. I’ve never been so scared from a dream in my life.

I haven’t had a nightmare for quite a while, some dreams are usually with a nightmarish theme where you just feel like something is wrong but everything in the dream is good.

Those were my nightmares from childhood, I tend to remember my nightmares more than my happy dreams because I guess being scared was a bigger impact than being happy?

This was my journal entry for the daily writing challenge I’ve decided to partake myself in; in the hope it will help improve my writing skills.

Thanks for reading. :)

Heartbreak Panic

It's funny what people say to you that make you feel so loved and wanted. They tell you they won't ever hurt you or do a douche thing like breaking up with you literally two days after sleeping with you and then admitting they wanted to leave you ages ago....I'm trying so hard to be positive and still kinda be friends with him but I'm finding it so hard. I'm so sick of lying, fake arseholes that I am completely over guys at the moment.

All I want to do is cut my arm or drink, thankfully I have done neither.

On a positive note, my new room is about to be a caravan which I'm quite excited about. My best friend and I are going to sand and paint the inside and we're going to convert the shower into a mini walk-in wardrobe but keep the fridge. At the moment I'm Re-reading the entire Harry Potter series has been a big help, I forgot how much joy I get whenever I read the series.

I've been suffering from anxiety worse than usual since I went out for the last time with my now ex boyfriend, I literally had an anxiety attack just before he picked me up. If I didn't suffer from heartburn I most likely would go back to drinking a lot so maybe the heartburn is kinda a good thing.

Writing Challenge - Eye Contact

They shined so brightly that day,
Where did it all go wrong?
They looked so happy when meeting mine,
What did I do wrong?
You were my knight in shining armour,
my beautiful protector,
you ran away from me,
you had to set me free.
You'd just put the pieces back together,
I guess the glue wasn't strong enough,
because they are scattered everywhere.
I reach out to those who've hurt me before,
guess that's all I'm really good for.
If the pain from heartburn wasn't enough to stop me,
I'd bury myself at the bottom of a vodka bottle ...
.... and never climb back out.
I'm finding it so hard not to touch a knife,
I'm finding it so hard not to slice my arm.
Some things I can no longer do,
as they remind me of you.
Last time I wrote ten songs,
this time I write poems.
As the pain throbs at every heartbeat,
cause I really do love you,
and now I really don't know what to do.

E. Louise (c) 24/6/2018

Shattered

Shattering realisation as truth hit home

The dark thoughts you had while we were alone

Promises you made that you failed to keep

For the first time ever I fully regret you

I’ve loved you for a long time 

I know to you that never mattered

I’m shattered in a million pieces as the truth hit home

I was just too happy

The universe had to take it away

I’m sick in my stomach and chest

I try not to cry anymore

I do my best

But I can’t control it and you’re not here

I guess I should learn to love myself dear

E. Louise (c) 19/06/2018

Unrequited Love Poem

He’s there deep in my heart
often in my thoughts
a song that skips a beat
you’re not him though
you hurt me and let me down
you still sneak into my life
begging me to come back to you
I never want to be hurt from you again
but the heart knows what it wants
I believe It’s who I’m with now
he sends thoughts of unholy things
that I sometimes wish I could do
but I’m never doing that to you
I’ve finally found someone everyone loves
almost as much as I do
I want him in my life forever
just as I once wanted you
you reach for me all the time
but I must protect y heart from you
you know me better than anyone
and there’s no denying that
I hope one day that he will too
because babe there’s no turning back

E. Louise (c) 16/06/2018

heihei

While staying at the farm I met my cousins chicken called Heihei from Moana and managed to save a bird from the cat. There is a flock of turkeys that happily walk where ever and a herd of cattle and a flock of sheep.

Peaceful Freedom

They're flying around so peacefully,
just imagine having your own wings and just being so free.
You'd have to eat bugs and insects though but at least you would be free.
Free to travel, free to eat, free to live.
There would be no taxes, no bills or rates.
You would just e completely free.
Wouldn't be free enough to escapes the thoughts of the mind though,
that's why I turned to poetry.
But imagine being free, completely free.

E. Louise (c) 8/06/2018

Wedding and Home Care

Last weekend my nephew and niece in law got married, we all went down country for the big occasion although my sisters and I weren't invited to the wedding or reception because of space and money. It was great seeing and meeting family members I hadn't met before though. It was a church wedding so it was quite religious, I heard quite a few people cried when the vows were said and the speeches were done. 

This week I'm staying at my grandparents farm with my Aunt, Uncle and Grandmother to help out my grandmother after having a operation. It's peaceful and cold but it's been good so far. Miss the puppy at home though, she's alone at the moment because everyone's at work; hopefully she doesn't chew anything. 

I'm still quite worried about what to do after failing the Bachelor's degree but hopefully everything will workout in the end.