Thursday, April 26, 2018

For The Fallen

Robert Laurence Binyon, by artist William Strang.
Poem by Robert Laurence Binyon (1869-1943), published in The Times newspaper on 21st September 1914.

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.
Solemn the drums thrill: Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres.
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.
They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England’s foam.
But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;
As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain,
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Xbox 360 - Halo 4, Skyrim - The Elder Scrolls, Fable 2 and Tron Evolution

I've tried three of my four games so far. Halo 4 is great although when  I first played Halo it spiked my anxiety as I was not expecting to be attacked by a alien. I have to be in the right mind set to play it otherwise I'd just keep dying.

Skyrim is pretty cool so far, I've only played up to me being on my way to the first village by myself. I completely freaked out when the giant spiders attacked as I'm terrified of spiders. So far I am enjoying it, it seems pretty cool.

My favourite game to play so far is Fable 2, I played it six years ago with my boyfriend at the time (who happens to be my boyfriend now) but only played it for a short time and his character was a adult so he'd been playing it for a while. As people who have played Fable 2 of xbox know, your character starts off as a child.

My favourite game may change once I try out Tron or advance ahead in the other games. I haven't connected my xbox to xbox live yet as I need to get the adapter but so far I am enjoying them.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

I think I may have exercised a little too much with my weights, after doing 50 push ups, squats and crunches I thought I'd do 10 lifts with 3kg weights and now with every movement with my arms my biceps hurt.
It doesn't help that I also have a sore ankle as well.

Well all that was when I started writing this lol. Was really planning on writing 400 words a day between two weeks since the assignments are due in less than two weeks now but it's not working to plan sigh.

Finally watched The Greatest Showman today and wow I can see what the hype is all about, so glad I brought it on my ipad.

Sugarland is releasing a single featuring Taylor called Babe. Like Little Big Town 'Better Man' it is another song that didn't quite make it to the Red album. I can't wait to hear it!

Finally going to get to see Te Papa and Peter Jackson's War Exhibition. Dad has been signed up to read the Ode, they were wondering if I could read it in Te Reo Maori but I don't want to do it if I can't pronounce the words properly.

It's the school holidays now and there's a really cool LEGO Exhibition on at Auckland Museum so we're going to see if we can go get it, will be awesome if we can, it's the wonders of the world and that would be awesome to see.

Anyway hope you are having a good day or night where ever you are.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Ex Boyfriend, Boyfriend and Study

My mother decided to have a chat to my ex boyfriend about him coming here, he is now only coming for two - three weeks.
It's sad how quickly one can go from being so excited and happy to see someone and spend your life with them to not wanting to see them.

Part of me feels guilty for him coming all this way when I'm the only person he knows here, but my family just don't trust him alone with me. They're even thinking of getting different friends and family to come and check in on me to see if I'm alright. They're only thinking this way because they feel like he is a stalker but when I blocked him I ended up blocking 10 - 11 people including multiple accounts he had made. He even brought a new sim card just because I blocked his number. What he did to make me want to fully cut him from my life was the fact that he wanted us to go on a break so I could talk to my family, friends and ex bf for a month then I wasn't allowed to talk to them for a month. It was also his complete rejection of me just because I was bisexual. He didn't want me anymore then made it obvious when he cheated on me. But in saying that he cheated on me before I told him I was bisexual, he just got bored of me and no longer wanted me.

Anyways, I'm seeing my second big sister tomorrow which should be cool, I've only met her once so I can't wait to see her again. I have a workshop tomorrow for course which should interesting. Learning all about  development theories which of course is why I am sitting here typing out my boring life to strangers on a Friday night. 

I love my boyfriend, I haven't told him yet cause he'll probably feel like it's too soon, I've loved him for five years. After a rebound, a try at love and being hurt by a best friend I wanted to marry he is now back to being the last name I think of before I sleep. I don't know what the future holds but if it's full of his sarcastic  dry humour then I definitely can't wait to see it.

Hope you have a great day/night where you are and thank you for reading. :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Don't Know What to Put

I don't think some people fully understand the impact or connection of how being fat shamed is connected to low self-esteem and depression. It's amazing how quickly a person can go from feeling so happy to wanting to starve themselves till they're thin by one sentence. It's not really the sentence that does it though, what creates that impact is the person who says it. Then you say it to yourself as you repeat it in your head.
I don't want to cut again, I really don't but I'm just finding it so hard not to. There's people I could talk to but everytime I try to talk it just comes out in tears; which is now why I just write.
I really should go back to story writing, I was happy then or writing songs.

I just don't know if I'm happy with who I am or what I'm doing anymore.