Suicidal Thoughts - Written instead of cutting

They haunt me,
telling me I'm not good enough,
telling me I'm not wanted.
That I won't be missed.

I haven't scarred my arms,

so far this year.

But the voice is there

taunting me.

I find it so hard,

not to give in to the thoughts.

I don't want to die,

but I'm suicidal.

I want to leave,

and run far away,

run away from my problems,

just like I've always done.

I'm not wanted here,

I'm just a burden,

a failure,

unwanted treasure.

I am wanted elsewhere though,

my voices are Wrong,

I Am Loved,

I Am Wanted,

I Belong Alive,

I Shouldn't die,

but I want to.

At least in death I can't fail,

although I'd fail life.

I Have Dreams,

I Want my Own Family,

I Want Children,

I Want a Husband,

I Want a Life.

I wish the voices would go away,

I Don't want them to stay.

I haven't cut since last year,

I've been Happy.

And yet I feel so far away.

I promise I will never end it,

I am afraid of never seeing those dreams.

I am afraid of the pain of death.

(c) Emma Sinclair 23/01/2018