Armageddon 2019

Awesome year at Armageddon this year. 
Boiling hot as usual but so worth attending, got to meet Gregg Sulkin and have a whole conversation with him on Avalon High being filmed in New Zealand which was filmed around 10 years ago and he of course hasn't seen it in a while. Also found out that Jodelle Ferland is in Ravenclaw. 
I ended up getting a few Cross-stitches from the awesome Fangirl Stitches this year. I didn't buy as much as last year but I was satisfied with what I got and what I accomplished.
I really wanted to meet Jason Isaacs but a photo with both Gregg and Jodelle was the same price as the photo. Got to actually see him though while waiting in line for the photo with Gregg, also saw Inbar Lavi who I also wanted to meet but unfortunately couldn't. 
The usual two daleks were there of course as well as the axe throwing, assault rifles, and kids play area. 
If you want to escape the crowds for a bit I highly recommend the PlayStation play a game upstairs option. It is unfortunately boiling hot up there but its a great birds eye view of the place you get to play a game (obviously). 
I usually don't get autographs from the animation guests as I'm usually getting autographs from some of my favourite actors. 
Most of the time I don't recognise the names but find out later they were in shows I love. 
Not sure if I'll be able to go to Armageddon next year as one of my best friends and I are planning on going to Hawaii although it sounds like I will definitely have to renew my passport first as it is meant to expire two months after that.

Anywho hope your long weekend (if you had a long weekend) went great like mine did, even went to the Chelsea Sugar factory for a quick little tour yesterday.
I can't wait to be able to say I have been Ten Months clean of cutting next week. The next two/three months will be the hardest yet as I've never been able to say "I have been cut free for a year"; I can't wait to reach this milestone.

  

Poem Prompt - A Winter Evening Indoors

The cool breeze drifts in from the window

The stew is bubbling in the pot as the fire crackles

I’m wrapped in my blanket beside the fire

Reading my favourite book

The dog is curled up on the couch at my feet

I have a hot mug of coco beside me

Through the windows I can hear the crickets chirping away under the moon

Every now and then I can hear the owl hoot outside

Calling for its mate and a mouse to snack on

The condensation clings to the windows

Candles lit by the windows

It’s peaceful and quiet this winter night

Barely anything stirs

Slowly I fall asleep in the chair

Asleep on this winter evening indoors

E. Louise (c) 22/10/2019

Poem Prompt - First Love

Quite bright they were the first time I saw them

Different colours combined to look like magic

No matter what I will always look up to him

And that’s just because of the height

The moment I first saw him

All the stars aligned, he was the one

The one I’d been waiting for

He broke me in the end

But I’ll always remember the innocent smile

The moment our eyes met

The emotions were instant

Just like that I was in love

Just like that he owned my heart

I gave myself to him

Which I both regret and don’t

I waited all my life to be tossed aside and forgotten

He was my first love

And I love him still



E. Louise © 22/10/19

Armageddon 2019

Armageddon is this weekend and I can't wait. I have the opportunity to meet Jodelle Ferland (Twilight: Eclipse and Supernatural) and Gregg Sulkin (AvalonHigh and Wizards of Waverly Place).

I can't wait to meet them it's going to be awesome!
There's a really cool cross stitcher who created this company of fandom stitches which is so cool. 

Last year I had the awesome opportunity to meet Katie Leung. Some people say Armageddon is a waste of money but for me it's completely worth it. Besides this year might be the last one I get to attend if we all move away even if I decided to stay up here.

Does anyone remember a Saddle Club computer game called Willowbrook Stables? I'm dying to know if it would play on Windows 10, would be awesome if it did. 

I really should be starting on my assessment but I have no idea where to begin, every time I try I get a headache, I have apparently until April 2020(?) but it's so hard to get started on.  

Partially Clean

Why do I feel so unwanted 
in a place I feel at home?
Why don't they want me?
Can they hear the screams of self doubt?
It's been nine long months
Since I last put a blade to my wrist
she said he was my fault
my hurt was deserved
he didn't even care
he said I was too fat
all the thoughts are still with me
the ones I use to cut to
but here I am still clean
please last a lifetime
I never want to go through that shame again
I have a blade in my room
I use it for art and parcels
never would I imagine
I wouldn't think of cutting
I'm not happy
I'm not fully clean
But I haven't cut for nine months
and that's all that matters right now.

(c) E. Louise 17/10/2019

Changes in Life

Found out my life might completely change next year as we might be moving house.
This isn't the first time or even the last time I'd be moving house of course but it's the first time I may be moving out of Auckland.

The property itself looks great though, it's an actual farm and has a bigger kitchen than ours and it's basically my parents dream retirement plan. 

It gives me a lot more opportunities I didn't have before though which is good. The only problem I have is the whole can't drive thing, I'd be able to drive on the actual farm but of course I never can legally. 

I can see us being very happy there, lonely a little but happy. It has always been my dream to live on a farm so in a way I am kinda excited about it, I could even end up having the one thing I've wanted my entire life. That of course is a horse. 

There's a stream surrounding it so I could see myself getting a kayak and kayaking in the stream. There's also a pool and a full running berry farm as well as a possible Airbnb. 

I'm kind of nervous about this possibility as I don't like change but I'm also quite excited about all the possibilities this could hold.

Armageddon is next week and I can't wait, I really want to meet Gregg Sulkin and Jodelle Ferland. Hopefully I'll be able to try a lot more things this year, now that I have a proper P.C I can also do more and get P.C games now.

Anywho hope your day or night goes well where ever you may be.

Poem Prompt - Heartbreak

Shock rocks through me like shattered ice

It hasn’t sank in yet

My throat is beating with my heart

The pain pulsing from my chest through my body

While feeling nothing at all

This can’t be happening, it’s not real

A nightmare that won’t wake me

Knives get thrown from both directions 

All fly like a boomerang repeatedly hitting as they all fly back

Cheeks turn warm as the body shakes 

Violent sobs tumble out as complete control is lost

I feel alive and dead inside all at once

As the reality hits me

Warm fur touches my skin and I feel it purr, the dogs tongue touches my face willing the sadness gone

I’m all alone but not alone and my mind is about to explode 

The only escape is in the blade as shame now washes in

This was my first heartbreak, let the casualties begin.

E. Louise (c) 13/10/2019

Poem Prompt - You Are Not Alone If

You’re Not Alone If

The tears glisten off the checks, eyes red

I feel so alone except for in my head

This is the worst I have ever felt

The lines on my arms stained red

I walk alone on a sunny lane

The trees wave gently in the breeze

A shadow walks beside me as I explore

The birds sing above me

I sit in my bed deep in thought

Wonderous visions filling my head

Each page turns to another adventure

A million places I visit not moving

I sit at the table surrounded by friends

They ask me how I am

I tell them I’m fine

I am not alone but why do I feel so lonely?

E Louise © 7/10/2019

Poem Prompt - The Mountains I've Climbed

The Mountains I’ve Climbed

So jiggered and high they are, the mountains I’ve climbed

The day I was born was when they first formed

Way up there the air was so thin

The lack of oxygen made me choke that I broke and had a stroke.

The path on the mountain is loose gravel

I’ve threaded carefully and still fallen

The sturdier the shoes the slower I fall

The less prepared the further I go.

I approach another every two years

Is this a pattern I’ve found?

Does another challenge welcome me as I conquer the mount?

This valley goes onwards, there is no way out.

Death and pain meet me as I reach each peak

Each one hurts me differently than the one behind me

The scars tell my story as I fight to continue

Can this strength keep me going as a mountain draws near?

Memories echo around me as they bounce off the cliffs

Although pain always surrounds me, I have found myself peace

The views are beautiful here way up high

The air is dense, but I breathe so freely as the wind hits my skin

As the animals here have adapted long ago

As do I however far I go

I feel at home here with my daemon soul

We are equal, we are one

And I never fight alone.

© E. Louise 5/10/19

Poetry Prompt - The Masks I Wear

The Masks I Wear

The masks I wear hide my despair of emotions I cannot fathom

From scene to scene I cannot seem to swap my masks around fast enough

The fake smile is getting thin and I can’t use it no longer

There seems to be a frown underneath a glimpse of my true emotion

Tear stained eye holes not cleaned away fast enough to stop the emotion sinking

The muffled sounds of laughter that gasp into sobs at night

The mask is finally broken and can’t be worn no more

The gentle beat joined by gentle words slowly turn the tears into a smile

Now I’m home the masks come off at least until tomorrow.

E. Louise 5/6/2019